Here We Go
by poprika
Summary: In which Sasori and Deidara do something stupid and Pein feels more like a babysitter than an evil leader.


**Here We Go**

"Explain to me again what happened."

"Why? We just _told you_, un."

Pein wanted to smack himself- a rare urge, yes, but this also was a rare situation. One that he feared would soon become all too familiar. He closed his eyes briefly, letting out a small sigh before opening them again.

Sasori and Deidara stood before his desk, both covered in a thin layer of dust (Pein noticed a small chunk of plaster in Deidara's blond hair, but didn't comment). Sasori's face was carefully impassive (though Pein could see the tension in his jaw), while his partner had the nerve to look annoyed, three sets of mouths twisted into a childish pout (Pein was minutely horrified- _these_ people were representing his all powerful organization- it was shameful). The Akatsuki's feared leader leaned back further in his black (very comfortable) chair, his hands clasped neatly in his lap as he pondered how difficult it would be to find some replacements.

Pein gave Deidara a flat look.

"I want to know why half of the base is now a large pile of rubble." Deadpanned, none of his growing annoyance visible through his voice.

Deidara managed to look sheepish.

"Well, me and Danna-"

"Danna and _I_" Sasori corrected, more out of habit it seemed than anything else, Pein decided, seeing as how the red head was barely paying attention.

The bomb-user rolled his eyes. "Danna and _I_, well, we were in our work room and I was working on a new bomb, yeah, and he was all oiling himself up," Pein's eye gave an impressive twitch. "and stuff 'cause his joints were getting all squeaky and-"

"Deidara knocked over my oil and set off his bomb." Sasori said bluntly, glaring at his partner from the corner of his eyes.

Deidara was indigent. "It was an _accident_, un!" Pein wanted to kill someone. "I had just figured out a great way to make the bomb explode even bigger-"

"By using oil." Pein was going to kill them, _both_ of them, and he was going to enjoy it.

"No!" the blond cried. "I jumped up and knocked over Sasori's oil. Then _he_," an accusing finger was stabbed in the puppet master's direction like a weapon. Sasori's eyes narrowed (Pein briefly wondered if he was going to bite the offending digit right off). Deidara didn't see (if he did, he was too stupid or too angry to care) the danger and kept going. "yelled at me and I _accidentally_ knocked the bomb and set it off."

Pein rubbed his temples. Wasn't he supposed to be leading a deadly, feared group of S-class ninjas? It felt more like daycare to him. He fixed his hard, cold glare on his two subordinates and silence reigned.

"I want you two to go and clean that mess up." He said, voice hard and dangerous and feeling more like an angry parent than an evil leader. "The cost for repairs will be coming out of _your_ pay." Kakuzu would be happy about that.

Deidara opened his mouth to protest, but Pein silenced him with a sharp look.

"If you have any complaints, talk to Kakuzu." His words were a dismissal.

Sasori and Deidara shared an unhappy look, their eyes blaming the other. They gave Pein a curt bow before leaving, the door swinging shut behind them and muffling Deidara's angry voice.

Pein rested his elbows on his desk, holding his forehead in his hands. A headache was looming at the back of his eyes. He suppressed the urge to throw something as he heard his office door click open again, but this time, a soft, familiar voice greeted him.

"Leader-sama," Konan approached his desk and carefully placed a steaming mug of on its surface (if Pein had been any other person, he would have kissed her then). "Here. You look as if you need it."

The welcoming scent of hot coffee wafted over to him. Pein sat up straighter and picked up the cup gratefully, taking a long drink (the liquid burned his tongue but he revelled in the sharp pain).

"Thank you, Konan." He said, nodding in approval. At least someone acted their age here.

His second in command bowed respectfully, walking back towards the door. She paused under its arch, glancing over his shoulder at him. Pein raised a questioning brow.

"I thought you should know," she said in her quiet voice. "Hidan and Kakuzu are back. They have requested to see you."

Pein felt dread sink into his chest, following the burning path of his coffee down into his stomach. His hands tightened on the porcelain mug as his eyes narrowed in suspicion. Konan's face was blank, but he could see the sadistic amusement in her blue gaze.

"They have Hidan's head, but they have lost the rest of him."

She closed the door just in time to hear the coffee mug shatter against the wall.

**End**


End file.
